


can first loves last?

by artsypolarbear



Series: Clexa Oneshots [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, First Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, High School, One Shot, Romance, True Love, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 05:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6691828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsypolarbear/pseuds/artsypolarbear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa's mother always said first loves couldn't last, and Lexa believed her.</p><p>So when a girl with golden hair and striking blue eyes steals her breath away, Lexa is afraid. Clarke is her first love, and she wants it to last forever.</p><p>But first loves never last. Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	can first loves last?

**Author's Note:**

> i'm feeling very sappy today and so i wrote this little thing  
> it's adorable i totally cried

Her mother always says first loves don't last.

Lexa is five when she crawls up onto the couch next to her mother and her father and asks them what love is.

She’s heard it on TV, mentioned in a movie where the princess is pretty and falls ‘in love’ with a prince, and they kiss at the end – Lexa hadn’t understood why, she hadn’t liked it, but she is also curious.

Her mother smiles at her question and looks at her father with her green eyes full of joy.

“Love is when you can’t live without the other person,” she says, “When you’re sure you’d die if they ever left.”

Her father smiles and kisses her mother on the cheek. His stubble scrapes Lexa’s skin like sandpaper when he leans in to do the same to her chubby little cheek, and Lexa giggles.

“Love,” he says, “Love is when your heart feels like it’s found it’s home.”

Five years later, his heart finds a new home.

Five years later, her mother learns that she can live indeed without him.

 “First loves don’t last,” she mutters bitterly as she packs her three daughters into a car and drives off across the country in search of a new start. “Remember that, girls. There will be love, and it will be good, but first loves never last.”

Boston had been cold and gloomy, and that was how Lexa would always remember it. She would remember her mother’s tears when her father had walked out, she would remember the way her mother’s fists had pounded against the door until she hadn’t even been able to sob – she remembered how Anya, the eldest, had gone over to the crumpled form of their mother and draped a blanket over her shoulders before ushering Lexa and Ontari out of the room.

Anya is five years older than Lexa. When they leave Boston, she’s halfway through her freshman year of high school.

She has a girlfriend.

She leaves her without a second thought, despite the fact that her young heart has grown to love the girl with as much as it can give.

After all, first loves don’t last.

When Lexa hears Anya sobbing into her pillow later that night, when they’re halfway across the country in some roadside motel, her heart twists in pain.

 “First loves don’t last,” Anya mutters. “They never do. I was just lucky to have it end so quick.”

Lexa isn’t sure whether Anya’s talking to her or herself.

In truth, it doesn’t matter.

_First loves don’t last._

Los Angeles is sunshine and clear skies.

Lexa hates it until one day a girl with curly black hair and the prettiest dark skin walks into her class and is told to sit next to her.

“Costia,” she introduces herself, and smiles – and Lexa’s heart feels as warm as the sunny day outside when she smiles back.

But, before she can even really get to know Costia, she’s gone.

She is there for two weeks, and then, one morning, she isn’t.

Their teacher doesn’t say much about it.

Later on, Lexa learns that Costia was a foster child.

Anya explains that it means she’ll never see Costia again.

Lexa knows that had Costia stayed, she would’ve loved her.

Years pass, and Lexa watches her mother rush through relationships that always end with her curled up on the couch, tears falling from her eyes as she tries to cope with her crushing loneliness. Lexa doesn’t understand why she keeps putting herself through that torment.

She doesn’t understand why her mother is so desperate to find love, when it’s loss causes her such pains – she doesn’t understand, she can’t understand, and so she swears to herself that she wouldn’t put herself through that same ordeal.

 _Love is weakness_ , Lexa thinks one night when she watches her younger sister cry over a boy who’d picked another girl over her to go to homecoming with.

 _Love is weakness_ , Lexa tells herself when she sees her friends break themselves in half to please boys that don’t truly care.

 _Love is weakness,_ Lexa believes it, to her, those words ring as true as her mother’s words from so many years before.

_Love is weakness, and first loves never last._

The first day of her junior year rolls around, and she is yet to even have had a relationship. She’s proud that she’s managed to protect herself so well.

Lexa sits in the back, as she always does, right next to the window. She’s staring at some kids playing football in the field, and so she doesn’t notice the new girl approaching her until she’s standing right next to her desk.

“Hey.”

Lexa turns her head and for a moment, she forgets to breathe.

The sky outside is mirrored in the blue of her eyes, and her hair is like pale gold, falling from her head in tresses of pure silk in a manner that makes her appear angelic.

“Is this seat taken?”

Lexa, at a loss for words, shakes her head and pulls her books to her side of the desk so that the girl can sit down.

 “I’m Clarke,” the girl smiles. A familiar warmth spreads through Lexa’s chest when she takes the girl’s outstretched hand and shakes it.

“Lexa,” she mumbles.

When she smiles, she can feel her heart settling, and the words she’s repeated to herself over and over again slip away from her.

Soon enough, she and Clarke are good friends. Lexa grows to adore Clarke’s laugh and shining eyes, the slight skip in her step and her general joyful outlook on life – she’s falling, she’s realizing it now, but she doesn’t do anything to stop it. Clarke is fire and Lexa isn’t afraid to be burned.

When Clarke goes to homecoming with a boy, and Lexa watches him take her hand and lead her to the dance floor, Lexa feels sick.

It isn’t until she sees them kissing in the hallway that she realizes she’s jealous and hurt.

She leaves then, marches right out and walks the short distance to her house, and doesn’t answer Clarke’s texts till the next morning.

When she sees Clarke on Monday, she pretends everything is alright.

* * *

“Do you love him?” Lexa asks idly one afternoon when they lay on the field, in the far corner, hidden from the world.

Clarke shakes her head. “No.”

Lexa stares at the cloud gliding across the sky above them. The dread in her chest recedes just the slightest bit when she hears Clarke deny it, deny that she loves another, and she sighs. “I saw you two kissing during homecoming.”

Clarke is quiet. “I see.”

There is an ache in Lexa’s chest, she wants to say something, but she doesn’t dare.

“Are you two dating?”

Clarke shrugs. “I don’t think so.”

“You sure?”

Clarke rolls over to her stomach to look at Lexa. “I’m sure I’d tell my best friend if I was dating someone,” she smirks.

“Best friend?”

Clarke nods. “Mhm.”

“That’s great.”

“You’re mine,” Clarke jokes, giving Lexa a little nudge. “No one else’s.”

Lexa’s stomach flips, but she says nothing. She’d give anything to be Clarke’s, but doesn’t dare say anything about it.

After all, first loves don’t last.

* * *

It’s the annual Christmas Party, and the gym is hot. Too hot, Lexa thinks, it smells of sweat and teenage boys and spilled punch and sickly sweet perfume. There are too many people there too, it's suffocating, and she wants to get out.

She’s come in late, she was supposed to come with a few friends, but Ontari had come home late and hadn’t been able to relinquish the car until then.

She’s wearing a dress that Clarke picked out for her a few weeks back when they were shopping together.

“Here,” Clarke had said, handing the dark red skin-tight dress to Lexa, “Try it. It’ll look amazing.”

It does look amazing on her, and Lexa wants to find Clarke and show it to her. But there is a sea of people and the music is deafeningly loud, and she panics when she realizes she's stuck amidst the crowd with no way out.

A hand slips into hers, and the world slows down till she’s calm again.

“Come,” Clarke says, pulling gently at Lexa’s hand. “Let’s get out of here.”

Lexa lets Clarke lead her through the crowd and into the empty hallway.

“I got you a present,” Clarke smiles. “It’s in my locker.”

Lexa nods and tries to not think too much about the fact that Clarke’s dark blue dress, strapless with a fabric that sparkled like the night sky, looked absolutely stunning. She tries not to think too much about Clarke’s painted lips or her curled hair, or the giggling look in her eyes when she drags Lexa down along the dark hallway towards her locker. She tries not to think at all, but she's pretty bad at ignoring the flutter in her chest each time Clarke's eyes meet her own.

“I got you a present too,” Lexa starts, “But I thought we’d give them later-“

Clarke smiles and shushes her as she fumbles with the lock. “Just wait. Close your eyes.”

Lexa feels her stomach flip again, but does as asked. She hears Clarke fumbling with something, and then there’s deafening silence until she hears Clarke’s voice, way closer to her than she’s used to.

“Look up.”

Lexa opens her eyes and looks up, and sees a mistletoe. Clarke’s holding it over their heads, and for a moment, she freezes – but then there are gentle fingers on her chin, tilting her head back down, and then, soft lips meet her own.

In that moment, Lexa’s heart finds it’s home.

* * *

A few months pass, and she’s happy with Clarke. They hold hands at football games and sneak off during lunch breaks for kisses behind the gym – they go get ice cream and smear it on each other’s face and they laugh, they go on long walks and talk about nothing and everything. They have sleepovers where all they do is watch movies and eat popcorn, wrapped up in each other, refusing to let go.

For Valentine’s Day, Lexa takes Clarke out for a nice dinner.

When she comes home, she finds her whole family waiting to interrogate her.

“Well, how was it?”

There are smiles all around, and Lexa just rolls her eyes. But she can’t stop smiling.

“It was great.”

“She’s great?”

“She’s amazing.”

_I think I love her._

She’d almost said it that night, when they’d been in the restaurant and the candlelight had flickered on Clarke’s face making it look divine.

But she hadn’t, because she was afraid.

_First loves don’t last._

She didn’t want Clarke to be her first love.

She didn’t want it to ever end with Clarke.

* * *

It takes Clarke another two months to realize that there’s something wrong.

When she asks Lexa about it, Lexa squirms uncomfortably, not knowing what to say.

But when Clarke puts her hand atop Lexa’s, she calms down, and takes a deep breath before speaking.

When Clarke hears her, she smiles gently.

She reminds Lexa that Lexa’s her first love, too.

She tells Lexa to focus on the present, like she is doing.

And Lexa does.

“I love you,” she finally says, and her stomach churns with both fear and joy.

Clarke smiles and kisses her before replying.

“I love you too.”

A year passes, and it’s the brink of summer. They’re done with high school, done with that chapter in their lives, and once again, Lexa is afraid.

Clarke gets accepted to an art school in New York. Lexa gets accepted to Harvard.

There are bitter tears in parting, but Clarke assures Lexa that this isn’t an end.

“We can last,” she tells Lexa. “Don’t worry your cute butt over it so much.”

For their second anniversary, Lexa goes down to New York for her Christmas holiday. They kiss in front of the big tree in Rockefeller square and Clarke shows her all the sights, and they walk hand in hand in Central Park and eat roasted chestnuts and watch the snowflakes spiral down from the sky above.

Lexa cries the first night because she’s missed Clarke so much.

Clarke smiles, but she’s crying too.

When the ball drops on New Years eve, they’re in Times Square with a million other people. At midnight, Lexa grabs Clarke and kisses her into the new year, and Clarke is sure she’s never been happier in her life.

Each morning, Lexa wakes Clarke up with a kiss and an ‘I love you’.

When she leaves for Boston, her last words are ‘I’ll be back’, followed by a long kiss that she wishes could last a lifetime.

They don't say goodbye. 

After all, they have all the intentions of seeing each other again.

They don’t see each other again until April because of exams and a lack of time, and when spring break comes around, it’s explosive.

That week is filled with just the two of them and nothing else, holed up in a cabin somewhere in Vermont, and Lexa wishes it could last forever.

“It can,” Clarke mumbles one morning when they’re laying in bed, naked and happy to just relax. “Maybe not now, but some day.”

Lexa smiles when she feels Clarke’s fingers running along her back, tracing patterns that spell out the love that they still feel for one another.

“Some day,” Clarke continues, “Some day we’ll have a nice house and a lawn and a porch with two chairs, and kids, and we’ll sit on the porch and drink lemonade and watch life go on from our little paradise.”

“Some day,” Lexa sighs, the idea of a house with Clarke making her feel like perhaps there’s no need for her to fear at all.

* * *

And then it’s their five-year anniversary, and Lexa feels like she’s going to be sick from the nerves.

They’re walking along the beach, the sun’s setting and it’s beautiful – it’s the perfect moment, the perfect place to be, and so, when she kneels before Clarke, she sheds a tear.

She says yes. Of course she does.

“Maybe some day is going to be here soon,” Clarke murmurs into Lexa’s ear, her arms wrapped tightly around her neck. “Not quite yet, but soon.”

Lexa smiles and twirls her around. Her joy roars in her chest, she’s happier than she’s ever been.

And yet, there’s still that twinge of fear in her gut, that keeps reminding her of all those times she’d seen first loves end.

Her mother, Anya, Ontari, countless friends – none of them are still with their first loves.

“Have you ever considered that your mother was wrong?” Clarke asks on their wedding day, in front of all their loved ones in a chapel decorated with white roses and pink carnations and lilies that spread their sweet scent into the air, making it feel like a dream. “That first loves can last? ‘Cause we’re still here, and it’s been six years.”

Lexa smiles and wipes away a tear.

When they exchange rings, Lexa’s heart settles down happily.

It’s known it’s home for years, and now, finally, Lexa trusts that she’s made the right choice.

When they go home after their honeymoon, Lexa’s struck with a realization that leaves her frozen in the doorway.

Clarke’s worried and comes over, thinking she’s hurt herself, but Lexa just smiles and wraps her arms around her, littering kisses along her neck and jaw and cheeks and lips.

“What’s this for?” Clarke asks.

“I’m not afraid anymore,” Lexa murmurs, “We can last.”

“See,” Clarke whispers against her lips. “I told you.”

* * *

It’s four years later and Lexa’s laying in the hospital bed, weary and tired and cheeks wet with tears, body racked with hours and hours of pain – but  none of it matters, all she can see is the bundle in her wife’s arms, the tiny little baby with ten fingers and ten toes and lungs that had screamed their son’s entry to the whole world.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” Clarke asks her, her eyes shining with tears of joy as she looks at their child in her arms. "Cause I think I feel for him the instant I saw him, he's so beautiful..."

Lexa reaches over to take Clarke’s hand, her eyes lingering on the ring on her finger before moving up to look into her eyes.

She’d fallen for her the instant she’d seen those sky-blue eyes and golden tresses.

“Yes, I do.”

The baby lets out another cry, and Clarke rests him back on Lexa’s chest. She kisses Lexa’s brow, still salty from sweat, and then she rests her head beside Lexa’s.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

* * *

It’s forty years later, and they’re old.

Their children, their son and two daughters, they’ve moved out long ago. There’s grandchildren now, three of them, and they visit every other weekend.

They have a house near Portland with a lawn and a porch, with two chairs side by side. One’s Lexa’s, one’s Clarke’s. They sit there often, now that they’re both retired, and watch life go on from their little paradise.

They drink lemonade on days that are especially hot.

Their house is filled with memories of their son’s first steps and his first drunken mishap, memories of their first Thanksgiving as a family and their first Christmas – memories of their younger years, when they’d still felt the desperation of youth, when they’d still thought they wouldn’t last.

They’re old now, and content.

Lexa no longer fears that they won’t last. She hasn’t feared that for over a decade.

 _First loves can last,_ she thinks now.

That is what she taught her children, what she tells her grandchildren now.

Clarke takes her hand and gives it a little squeeze. “How about you and I go for a walk?”

Lexa frowns. “I’m in the middle of a chapter.”

“I’ll wait.”

There’s a long moment of silence as Lexa finishes up reading the chapter. A gentle breeze brushes over the lawn, bringing a cool edge to the warmth of the spring day.

“The cherry tree’s starting to blossom,” Clarke observes quietly. “It’ll be in full bloom in a week.”

Lexa, having finally finished her chapter, looks up and smiles. “It’s your turn to do the raking this year.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and stands up, stretching her sore back a little. “Come on. Let’s go see what the young kids are doing nowadays.”

As they walk down the street, Lexa pauses briefly to look at their house. It’s like any other, just the perfect size for their family, with a cherry tree and two plum trees on the front lawn, just waiting to bloom.

It’s their little paradise, that’s what she’s been calling it for years now, and there’s even a little sign on the wall that says so.

 _Someday_ , Lexa recalls Clarke’s words, “ _Someday we’ll have a nice house and a lawn and a porch with two chairs, and kids, and we’ll sit on the porch and drink lemonade and watch life go on from our little paradise.”_

Someday had become their everyday.

**Author's Note:**

> these idiots are soulmates in every universe and this was too cute to write i literally CRIEd  
> don't forget the kudos & comments, they make my heart weep with joy :)


End file.
